May 25, 2012

Sicky poo

Its the first time in probably over a year that I feel really crappy. And the first time in about 3 years that I have a temperature. All I want is for someone to look after me. But no… the big man also has to be sick. And the little lady is also not at her best – testing the limits with her running nose.

“Selfish much?”  is what I hear myself saying to myself. And I have to remind myself that every now and again it can actually be all about me. No, I’m not a martyr, and I won’t pretend to be. I just, would like to have someone take care of me for a little while. I miss it. The little things… “would you like something to drink”. “Are you ok?” “Can I make you a sandwich?”

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my big man, and I love taking care of my family… I think what is bugging me the most is that I feel crap. And he feels crap. And I feel like I’m not allowed to feel crappy, because he is. So I can’t ask him to look after me, because he’s also feeling yuk. I mean really, between the two of us, our noses have gone through 2 rolls of toilet paper in 24 hours. Fun I tell you.

 

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May 2, 2012

Losing out on the things you love

I recently went away for the weekend. Not too far from home, but far enough… to a place where cellphones have very little signal for some of the time, and no signal the rest of the time. This meant that I had no choice, I had to put my phone down, leave the 1970’s television off (no reception – really is there for show and tell) and actually enjoy the moment I was in.

We, as a family, had to look each other in the eyes. We had to spend time together. We had to actually truly engage with each other. And it was beautiful.

We stayed on the edge of the Breede river, enjoyed the endless walks, the millions of tiny crabs scurrying underfoot like spiders. No, seriously, there must have been hundreds of them, most of them not bigger than my thumb nail. Every step I took along the riverbank had them darting away, looking for their next hiding place.

The hours my baby G slept, were the hours I read, and even when she was awake, I would often find myself reading as we had quite a few baby sitters on hand, loving her, and taking her to the “ribber”. And this thing called reading is something I used to love to do. I would read for days on end. A few years ago it took me 3 days to read the whole Twilight series. I would read at least 1 new book a week. And now I hardly ever read for fun – always work work work…

But this weekend I read – I started and finished a book, and read most of a second book – every minute I could I was reading, inhaling the words as I sat on a deck, overlooking the river, listening to the wildlife, swatting away the horseflies… I read, and read, and read. And my soul was fed.

We had been back for just over 24 hours when I noticed that I had not once glanced at the book I had almost finished. The other night I found myself checking emails, and facebook last thing before closing my eyes. Now when did I start doing that? And when did that become so important that I couldn’t sleep without knowing what the people that I haven’t seen in years are actually doing? When? And most importantly, why? If I were still in touch with half the people on FB, then they would know what I was doing, they would know where I am. How did they become more important than I am to me?

I therefore decree that I will no longer have FB friends who have never been to my house (or that I am no longer interacting regularly with). I will no longer check in on my non-existant friends during my “soul time”. I will be reading. Reading. And more reading.

April 18, 2012

Taking the time to love the things you do

We all have things that we hate to do. For some its cleaning, others, typing, others, standing in looooong queues, etc, etc. I believe that whether we like it or not is all in the attitude. And attitude is something we can change. It is one of the few things that we have the power to do something about – we can change our own attitude. 

So next time you are stuck in traffic, or find yourself dreading the weekly visit with the in-laws… take a moment to give yourself an attitude adjustment. Who knows… you might end up meeting your soul mate when they see you singing away in your car to your latest purchase, or you might realise that you actually have something in common with the in-laws…

All it takes is a few simple words – I want to do this. I am enjoying this. And don’t forget to thank the Angels for this new experiences you are bound to have. 

This may seem difficult to do at first, but with patience, perseverance and time, it will get easier. And you may even start to forget that you “hate” to do something…  

March 26, 2012

The differences between men and women

I am currently undergoing a writing transformation. Taking twelve weeks and dedicating one evening a week to attending a writing course – the current goal  being to create a character. And in order to do this, we need to be able to empathise and realise the differences between people. Particularly the sexes.

And so here are a few of the differences that I have come across:

  • Women are more emotional. They’re empath radar is far more attuned to those around them, especially if it is someone they know well. It is not good enough to let your friend have a cry, you have to cry with her, as though you were experiencing her pain in the same way.  Men are more like. Oh, you had a bad day – beer? Sorted. No need to talk it through or to hash it out with but what if I’d said this, or what if I’d done that, which brings me to point two…
  • Men don’t doubt themselves nearly as much as women do. Women seem to always be second guyessing themselves. Men make a decision and stick to it. If it doesn’t work out they way they hoped or planned, then they make a new plan or a new decision and move forward. They don’t stop to think about what they could have done better, or what might have worked.
  • Men stick more to the facts. Women see nuances in everything – but did you see how she raised her eyebrow when she said that… to a man, she said what she said and meant it – regardless of facial expression.
  • Men don’t hold grudges. There was a disagreement, maybe a punch, and then its over. Women on the other hand will talk about the disagreement, try and get everyone on their side and then they’ll talk about it some more, adding in nuances and what they should have said.

The similarities:

  • We all eat.
  • We all urinate.
  • We all defecate.

No, I’m just kidding, kind of. We do have similarities, but I’m not sure its something that can be generalised about. I think the similarities depend on who you are, where you come from, your background, your upbringing. Its more than just about whether you are male or female.

Its the similarities, and the differences that bring together the two species (man and woman). The woman to nurture and cherish, the man to love and protect. I think that with the introduction of work, working men and women, the dynamics have shifted ALOT as to what male and female characteristics actually are. For example, the metrosexual male – someone who waxes his eyebrows and other parts of his body because he prefers to be clean shaven permanently – but is married and has kids and has no interest in another man.  The cyclist who likes to shave not only his legs, but his arms as well – safety reasons, or so I’ve heard.

The lines are becoming quite blurred. The man isn’t the only one earning, and might not even be the main provider, two income homes are the norm, whereas a home where only one parent is working is not as common as it once was.  Does this mean that the woman stops being feminine? Perhaps.

But perhaps it has allowed the woman to tap into her masculine side – the office, in some instances, is still very male dominated and so one has had to learn to compete with the men, and to bring the testosterone up a notch.  Does this make the non make-up, pant suite wearing woman manly? Or just more in touch with her masculinity than the hair and eyelash tinted, painted nail counterpart?

I believe that, as we once were in the past, definite defined “girl / boy” rules and rotes, we will have again. Men and women will compete for the same positions, making the most of the advantage afforded them by gender. For example, I believe that women perhaps will be the only medical professionals – they are more caring, nurturing and empathetic towards their patients (in theory, I have had the opposite… and quite honestly, I am not sure I would want to go and work somewhere where there were only women. There would need to be some men there, if only to tell women to shut up and get over it).  Only men will become teachers. Who better to teach the children, with love and discipline right from wrong?  And again, we will need women there to reign the men in, and to remind them that these are just children who do not yet know all there is to know and are now here to be taught.

 

 

March 18, 2012

Taking the time to do the things you love

All too often, we forget to do the things we love. The things that feed our soul. Why? Why do we do these things? And who, or what stops us?Table Mountain

I went to Robben Island recently, with my foreign family, and I left the hubby and kids at home. I took the time to sit up on the top deck… let the wind rush over my face, freeze my fingers and wind itself through my brain dusting out the cobwebs and the responsibilities and the worries.

For the first time in a long time all I needed to do was sit back and enjoy the moment.I didn’t have to watch little fingers, or little legs or make sure someone wasn’t doing something that they shouldn’t be doing or even making sure someone else was fed and watered. All I needed to do was… nothing.

And this made me think about all the things I had not been doing. The things that make me me. The things that make me smile, laugh and fill my soul with light. I had not been creating. Writing, pretending to paint or even arts and crafts.

Don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with my toddler, and I love spending time with my man, but sometimes, occasionally, I need to spend time with me. And it is so nice to reconnect with myself. I love to reconnect – it as if I am meeting an old friend for coffee. We make the time for them, why not for ourselves. My intention is to always make a little bit of me time at the end of the day.

To reconnect with myself. To reconnect with my light. To reconnect with my soul.

And I look forward to my regular dates with me. So, until date night. I say adieu…

March 18, 2012

A long time ago…

I remember a story my grandmother once told me – about how she would take the bus (yes, in South Africa) with her four (yes 4) children. She would pack them all up and take them all with her wherever she went. My grandfather was working and she was a house wife. Pretty typical of the times I guess. But I couldn’t imagine even attempting public transport with my 2 year old. Sitting on a bus, standing at a station?

Us dwellers of South Africa don’t have as good a transport system as they do overseas, and to be honest, I have never caught a South African taxi ever. No, not once in my life. Mind you, I don’t think I’ve even caught any other kind of taxi in South Africa… A bus, yes, a train, yes, but never a taxi.

I guess I’m used to bundling myself and my family up and loading us all (dog included) into the car for our regular adventures. I am fortunate enough to not wait around for public transport… Fortunate enough to have a car and to afford (for now) to drive it.